Kai started a new daycare center today. We went so she could visit and see what it was like yesterday and she had fun. Today when i dropped her off she acted like she had been going there forever. I didn't even get a hug when I went to leave. When I picked her up she didn't want to leave she wanted to stay and play like she used to at Cindy's. It's one of those things that you hope for everytime your kid goes somewhere new but you expect them to scream and cry as you walk out the door.
Work sucked. I want a new job. Something that needs a little brain power at least once in a while. Something with the same hours almost everyday and I don't care what the pay is as long as my paycheck is expectable. Insurance would be wonderful too. Next week it's back to Michigan Works I go, what fun.
First fight tonight, update on that to come later.
So after watching one of my favorite shows i cracked. I may or may not of ever wrote about what happened four months ago in here but my best friends know. I missed so much in those past 2 years before it happened and there is so much i still want to find out.
They say i should forgive and forget but how do i forgive and forget being left out of all the planning and arranging for someone that showed up in my life when i was so young and made such an impact that totally formed the person that i am today. I feel so left with nothing and I know that mentally i have so much. I still have the phone numbers in my phone 4 months later and I have almost called. I don't know if the pain i fell will ever go away or if I will ever find someone that will totally understand. I found out about a month ago that the one thing that was truly going to be mine is gone and I'll probably never find it. I was talking to my mom a couple of weeks ago and I finally thanked her for finding me a wonderful guy that until the day i die i will call my daddy. He was there when i needed him. he showed me that the most important things in life had to be earned and not received. He taught me how to work for what i wanted in life and manage the things I have to make them last longer. I may never forgive him for the reasons my almost perfect world came crashing down but when i look at it I realize that all the years he was around and all the things we did together and everything I learned from him over power those reasons. I'm just glad that I did thank him for being there as i grew up and everything he did for me. And now he's just the angel on my shoulder when something should have gone totally wrong. The important thing is that i got his approval before it happened.
But I have come to a conclusion. I'm going to now do my best to live up to his expectations and make sure the Kai continues to grow up with a guy that she can call her daddy, rather than the asshole that is her biological sperm donor. And now that my sleeve is all wet and my face all read I'm gonna go outside and take a break to calm back down, call a couple people and then do what i said I was going to do this weekend while one of my best friends has Kai.
Even though I am now about 3 hours from the area i've called home for ten years, nothing has really changed from a month ago. Same shit different day. Even though i am happy down here for the most part I miss being close to those that mean the most to me. I miss working with the people i did. I love being able to pick up my phone and call everyone when i feel like i'm gonna crack. I love driving my sisters car and hangin at the bowling alley with my boyfriend and John, the biggest smartass I've ever met. but i hate having to deal with new people that don't want to do their jobs and can't speak english. I enjoy being basically right around the corner from every place i want to go. I have enjoyed my time off but now i'm ready to go back and i can't because of damn foreigners that don't want to do their jobs. I feel like going over to my uncles to see my cousin and her new baby but i don't know if my car will start. I'd take my sisters but if i have anything to say about it, it ain't going anywhere until tomorrow when it goes for it's well overdue oil change. I wish we could figure out what's wrong with her. I hate seeing her like this and not being able to work. Hopefully when we go to her appointment on friday they will be able to tell us something. Question of the day: Why does it seem that I'm still stuck in the middle. I don't mind helping my best friends solve their problems but I hate it when the past comes up and i end up stuck in the middle.
Ugg, I'm gonna go do something.
SO it's been a long time since i last got around to writing. I've moved since the last time i wrote and lets just say some of my best friends were right and if they, those of who know this place, bother to read this they'll know what i'm talking about. Anyway I'll be back later I just wanted to update and let people know i am still alive. As if anyone cares.
hello world i got some news for you all. good for some and i don't know for the others. I'm moving. I'm getting added to Maja's plan as soon as i move. Mike, Kai and I are moving to Plymoth to be with my sister. I can't wait. I'll probably have a job in less than 2 weeks and mike will actually have to get down here to find one but BECKY I'm finally coming home. And you will finally get to meet mike. email me so we can get together. Everyone call me.
Don't mind me i'm in a good mood today. i went shopping. Ooops so i spent money that i should be saving but every girl needs to shop once in a while. But hey life is great. i leave for my road trip in 5 days and i'm gonna have fun. My man gets to meet the rest of the family and i hope they all approve cuz even if they don't i don't care it's time i went through life satisfying myself instead of others. Becky you still have to meet him and hopefully before 8 of 07. He is wonderful. One of my friends and i decided that i'm getting paranoid over our truck because i've been driving it for over a month now and nothing has gone wrong so i keep thinking that everything sounds funny. I checked the oil the other day and was almost done dumping it in and realized that he had bought me a funnel so i didn't have to dump oil all over the place. lovely days. My car is finally fixed and they discovered how bad the exhaust leak is and now they have to fix that. They, since they love me and have nown me forever, are going to do that as cheap as possible. I think i'm just going to sell my car and keep driving our truck because our truck seems to like me and cars don't seem to. So what else do i have to say tonight, i don't fucking know. I really have nothing serious to bitch about and life is great. I went and looked at rings today. Hee Hee. I think i still want my Harley Davidson ring though, or just my Harley. Life is great. I've decided to not tell him about that promise that i broke to everyone. I'm truly the only one that knows the details and I know i'm going to feel bad about now saying anything but, I don't know maybe i should tell him. Who knows. i think i'm gonna go to bed now and wait for my morning wake up call.
Well world, it's official but yet unofficial all at the same time. Can u guess what i'm gonna say next? lets just say that my top 3 best friends better not be doing anything in August of 2007 and they better be ready to get pretty for a day, as if they aren't already. If everything stays the same and keeps getting better, ya's better be ready to be in a wedding. Seriously, no joke. No ring yet, only because he wants to find the perfect one and the perfect opportunity for everything. But i am moving, more than likely before the snow start to fall this winter. He's wonderful. I hope everyone finds someone as wonderful as he is. Becky you gotta meet him, I need my best friends approval on him before the time comes. I will do whatever it take for you to meet him. I actually have a plan to my life right now and know what i am doing.
I don't know what else to say tonight but i do have a confession to make but i'm not posting it on here. lets just say i broke a promise and feel really bad about it.
I read my best friends response and it made me cry. Not a day goes by that i don't think of our times together. I wish you could meet him. He is truly amazing, wonderful and anything else that is equal to perfect. I know what i have found and I told him he is grounded to me and he gets work release and that he's mine forever. All this after he asked me to move to where he is. A question I've been waiting for for a long time now. I truly believe he'd give me the universe if he could. Anyway i started talking about one thing and got lost all over again. We need to get together and chill, like old times and maybe we should go to that tree and everywhere else we used to go. I need real updates girl.
I've done a lot of thinking today and still really haven't come to any great conclusion on life. It seems to be just one more great test in my life and hopefully i can keep my head straight. By the way world, I passed motorcycle drivers training. It's wonderful. Now all i have to do is go to secretary of state.
I may have a slight problem but life goes on.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste.
By the way i hate tires in fields. Call me to figure that one out.
Anyway everything else in my head i have decided to keep to myself
i had to do a lot of searching to find what i was looking for this morning and i really don't figure that i'll get more than one response to either one of these but I'm searching for "missing links" so i fiqured i could try.
If you really feel the need to, reply anonymously and i hope i'll figure it out.
1. One secret.
2. One compliment.
3. One random thing.
4. One insider.
5. One thought you (secretly) have of me.
6. One thing you'd like to do to me.
7. A hint to who you are.
01. who are you, what's our relationship:
02. how and where did we meet:
03. what's my middle name:
04. how long have you known me:
05. tell me one good thing about myself:
06. when you first saw me what was your impression:
07. my age:
09. my favorite band at the moment:
10. color of eyes:
11. do i have any siblings:
12. have you ever had a crush on me:
13. what's one of my favorite things to do:
14. do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
15. describe me in 3 words:
16. name 5 things i love:
17. do you think i'm good looking:
18. how would you describe me to someone:
19. would you ever date me:
20. tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
21: what do you like most about me:
22: if we could spend a day together what would we do:
23: have we ever gotten in a fight:
24: do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
26. What do you think my weakness is?
27. Do you think I'll get married?
28. What makes me happy?
29. What makes me sad?
30. What reminds you of me?
31. If you could give me anything what would it be?
32. When's the last time you saw me?
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
35. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
36. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
39. Would you make a move on me?
40. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day?
41. Have you ever told me you loved me, as friend or more?